Communicate to Transform - Vlog/Blog

What is the power of the story?

People relate to stories. They like to hear them.

In building relationships, stories are powerful. I’m going to talk about 4 types of stories.

The funny story.

The whole story.

The other person’s story.

My Story (Your story if you're sharing).

The funny story opens people up with a smile. Smiling naturally opens the face and body language and breaks the ice. When we relate in humor the relationship builds trust whether the story is a joke or a true situation. Here's a light funny story:

"A Husband and wife are walking the beach while on a warm winter vacation. They come across a bottle in the sand with a cork in it. Curiosity gets the best of them. The man picks up the bottle and pulls the cork. 

Poof, out comes a great big genie. He stretches and says, I’ve been in there for a thousand years. Thanks for letting me out. I have incredible powers when I'm out of that bottle, and to show my gratitude for letting me out, I’m going to grant each of y...

Going the extra mile is the number one rule for success. Do it in your communicating. Make your communications habits healthy everyday and your relationships will flourish and be vibrant. With consistent healthy communications skills we attract consistent healthy relationships, wealth and peace of mind. 

What does consistency mean in effective communicating and how does it benefit you? How to turn consistent healthy communicating into your advantage. 

If you go to the dentist once or twice a year for cleaning and don’t brush your teeth every day, once or twice, they will rot.

Communications is the same as health hygiene. Going to a seminar about healthy communications techniques a few times won’t keep all your relationships healthy. It takes consistent healthy communications practice to keep work and personal relationships functional and vibrant.

What does consistent healthy communications practice look like?

There are 5 things to do in healthy consistent communications that wins ...

How To Communicate With Another Person as They’re Highly Emotionally Charged. Learn 7 Steps you can do to calm a situation. As you build this 7 step habit, you will successfully negotiate any crucial conversation. 

Have you ever had to deal with someone when they were really angry or frustrated? Have you ever been yelled at or called names and felt degraded by someone yelling at you?

What would it be like if you knew exactly what to do when energy in another person was too high and uncomfortable to deal with?

What would it be like if you could calm people in high energy states? 

Sometimes it’s worth it to address other people in high energy and sometimes it’s not.

When the relationship is casual or you don’t know the person, let it go, move on, don’t fret. It’s not usually worth your peace of mind, or is it? 

Ask yourself, ‘do you really need to teach this person something?’ If you do, it could take awhile. Be prepared for a long conversation and learn how to communicate well in ...

How to Effectively Communicate When Dealing With Your Own Intense Emotion.

Out Line:

Have you ever been so angry or frustrated, you said or did something you wish you hadn’t?

What do you do when you’re triggered with intense emotion? Do you yell? Do you close up and avoid?

Do you know how to calm yourself and react with confidence? Would you like to develop the tools inside you to respond effectively in tough situations?

What would it be like if you had tools to calm yourself before reacting in intense emotion with confidence and sure footedness? Do you think outcomes of difficult conversations would be different? Yes or yes? 

Here's the Steps.

1. Stop when emotionally charged to high levels.

2. Become aware of your HIP. Your Human Interaction Process. We sense, we think, we feel, we Intend, then we act. It"s our interaction process. What did you see or hear. What were your thoughts about what you saw and heard. What feelings or emotions were triggered. 

Pause

Detach John Sto...

How to Find Common Ground in Difficult Situations and Get the Other Person to Say Yes at Least 3 Times.

What would it be like if you knew how to find common ground with difficult people and move the struggle onward?

Do you have people in your life you would like to be able to communicate with at a deeper level?

Or do you have people in your life that you just want to get them to understand you better?

Do you ever feel like you can’t get through to someone?

Would you like more confidence approaching difficult situations?

What would it be like if you could find a way to get to common ground and find compromise with anyone?

What would it be like if you knew exactly how to approach any difficult situation?

What would it be like if you knew exactly how to adjust instantly in difficult conversations?  

Would you have less stress? Would you like that?

Communicating: From the Latin word, communis, which literally means “to make common,” communication isn’t about doing something to so...

Help Me Communicate
Mar 7, 2018

How to Push the People on Your Team
to the Next Level — With Respect

Do you have people on your team you want to perform at a higher level?

Do you have someone on your team that has potential but just don’t quite know how to bring it out?

Do you have someone on your team that brings down the rest of the team?

How do you get them motivated and inspired to perform?

 There are 7 steps you can do to break the down cycle.

Outline:

1.     Identify the problem and plan the conversation — write it out.

2.     Book a time for the conversation and in the meeting, share what you planned. Ask them what their perception is. Do they understand and agree?

3.     Ask them what needs to happen to take them to the next level.

4.     Agree on a process to take them to the next level.

5.     Agree to meet again at specific times to discuss the progress.

6.     Write it all down in the coaching file.

7.     Follow up with positive affirmations as often as you c...

The Biggest Communication Problem:

“We Listen to Reply, Not to Understand.”

When you listen to understand, you build trust and greatly improve your chances of getting the outcome you want. Learn the simple steps to active and reflective listening and you will understand and be respected. People will open up and your ability to influence and lead will dramatically improve. 

Do you ever wonder why people don’t get your message or go on the defensive? Do they get frustrated or angry? Do they stop talking? Do they stop listening? Do they avoid you? Do they keep doing what you want them to stop?

The Biggest Communication Problem: We Listen to Reply, Not to Understand.

Don’t let yourself get caught up in this common habit. Learn active listening  and make it one of your communications habits. 

Have you ever felt like someone’s not listening to you? How do you respond?

Do you close up? Do you raise your voice? Do you get caught up in your internal chatter and say to yourself, I give up...

The two most important communications habits to avoid as a leader.

Do you ever wonder why people go on the defensive after you’ve corrected them? Do they get angry sometimes? 

Do people freeze up when you’re making suggestions or trying to help them?

It might be your opening or corrective statements.

There are two things people do that put people on the defensive, make them freeze up or get angry in response.

Often we’re not aware that we’re even doing them. Especially if we’ve been brought up with the same techniques.

 Do you ever feel unfairly judged?

 If you have ever felt judged unfairly, typically one of two things is said to you.

 Either you’ve been

1.     Negative name called and labeled.

2.     Been blamed for something without effective discovery, questioning and compassion.

If you’re a leader, it’s important to avoid these two communications habits. If it’s happened to you, you know the negative effects.

How do you feel when someone says you’re an idiot or useless...

Do you use ‘You’ statements?

Yes or yes.  I haven’t met anyone yet who doesn’t and I’ve been paying attention for over 30years, since I took my first leadership communications and conflict management course.

Has someone ever told you the right way to use ‘You’ statements?

My wife was recently told by a colleague that she could be better with her ‘You’ Statements, so we brainstormed and I thought I would share what we came up with.

She’s a great communicator in most ways. One of her best traits is that she’s willing to acknowledge when she’s made a mistake and she goes back to clarify and resolve when she makes a mistake. After thinking about it, she plans her 2nd conversation for resolve and it works 99% of the time. Going back to resolve something you’ve communicating incorrectly takes courage and resilience.

Good communication skills and habits help build resilience and courage. Do you want more resilience? Do you want more courage?

Give a good communications effort...

This week in ‘Help Me Communicate’:

Leaders beware. Tolerance is at an all time low for bullying, belittling and harassment. How you communicate is more important than ever in history. Don’t get caught. People are going to start reporting harassing type behavior and you and your company may be vulnerable to being harassed yourself by the labor board.

This week I’ll share the basics to being a good communicative leader to avoid being called a harasser. You can become an employer of choice.

Do you want to be a great leader? Do you want to be known as a fair, honest and respecttful? Do you want to make it easy to attract good workers to your team?

Are you using power over techniques to motivate staff? Fear generating techniques?

Do you know how you’re perceived?

Is your work group hitting on all cylinders and getting the results you want?

Ask these question to determine if your people are happy.

Do people use all their sick days?

Are people coming to work with low energy?

Is tur...