The two most important communication habits leadership have to avoid.

The two most important communications habits to avoid as a leader.

Do you ever wonder why people go on the defensive after you’ve corrected them? Do they get angry sometimes? 

Do people freeze up when you’re making suggestions or trying to help them?

It might be your opening or corrective statements.

There are two things people do that put people on the defensive, make them freeze up or get angry in response.

Often we’re not aware that we’re even doing them. Especially if we’ve been brought up with the same techniques.

 Do you ever feel unfairly judged?

 If you have ever felt judged unfairly, typically one of two things is said to you.

 Either you’ve been

1.     Negative name called and labeled.

2.     Been blamed for something without effective discovery, questioning and compassion.

If you’re a leader, it’s important to avoid these two communications habits. If it’s happened to you, you know the negative effects.

How do you feel when someone says you’re an idiot or useless?

How do you feel when someone accuses you unfairly?

Not very good. Sometimes defensive, sometimes you want to call them the same name or a different negative one back. You feel vengeful, angry, unappreciated and demotivated.

When you correct someone or judge them with negative labels and names or blame them and shame them, you invoke negative emotions and responses.

Does that work to motivate or inspire you to be better when it’s done to you? NO.

When someone makes a mistake, how do you correct them fairly and sternly with compassion so they are motivated or inspired to do better?

1.     Avoid negative names and labels.

2.     Don’t blame without appropriate questioning and discovery of their interpretations of the situation.

 Follow these 5 steps to correct people when they make a mistake or screw up in some way.

1.     Describe the behavior or situation you’ve witnessed or heard about.

2.     Ask them their side of the story. What did they witness? What did they think when they witnessed it? How did they feel? What was their intention? Don’t judge. Just get to know the facts.

3.     Use a shit sandwich to give them your opinion especially if it’s a negative one and correct them.  Good stuff, bad stuff, more good stuff.

4.     Give them a tool or show what to do to avoid the problem next time.  

5.     Follow up with positive affirmation in the form of pats on the back or positive labels and names. Show appreciation for their good work.

When you feel appreciated, do you work harder? Most people do.

When you’ve made a mistake and are corrected with some understanding and compassion and are given tools or ways to resolve your mistake, how do you feel?

Supported? Right. Do you like to feel supported? Do you like to feel appreciated?  Of course you do. We all do.

If you’re a leader, correct peoples mistakes compassionately using a shit sandwich, and give them tools to succeed. Show them they’re appreciated when they do something right or after a job well done and you will notice they become more of a team player. They will become one of your best supporters. When you support effectively, you get support back most of the time.

One last thing. If you have to continually correct someone for the same mistake consider replacing them. Some people are not the right fit for the job they’ve taken. Don’t wait too long to notice that when it happens. You cheat yourself from building the best team you can. You cheat them from being in a job they can shine in.

 One other last thing. Help your people build resilience. Talk to them about it.  Expect it. Say, “It’s important to have the ability to bounce back when we feel disrespected or belittled.” Also say, “sometimes I go off and raise my voice. It doesn’t mean I don’t respect you. It means I want you to get on with it and get to work and just get it done. Sometimes people, and me, get frustrated and raise their voice. Sometimes it’s okay. The next day come talk to me about it and I’ll apologize.  

Say: At the same time, sometimes I have to raise my voice to get your attention and raise your intensity to get things done. We are here to reach our targets and goals. Sometimes I have to raise the intensity. It’s what leaders do. Do you want our team to succeed? Yes of course. Sometimes I’ll push. Are you okay with that? Usually people will fall in line and accept your driving them to succeed. Good luck.

Have a great day. Keep the dialog open. Don’t stop pushing.