12 tips for how to deal with difficult family get together and a few Don'ts

Merry Christmas. This week in ‘Help Me Communicate’, I share 12 tips for how to deal with difficult family get-together's. This is part of the 'Help Me Communicate' Video Series.

You can learn effective communication skills. Every week we will post some tools and tips to help you become a great communicator.

Learn how to manage conflict and how to approach those difficult conversations. Learn effective word choice, questioning techniques and listening skills. go to:

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for the weekly broadcast at 10 AM mountain time on Wednesdays.

12 TIPS to deal with difficult family get-together's and 3 Don'ts

SELF

 1.     Expect to have a great get-together and to have a good time. Imagine it in your mind and feel it in your heart first. Things begin in our minds and hearts.
 
2.     Prepare. Prioritize Self-Care. Don’t expect others to change. Change one thing yourself. Set boundaries as to what you will and will not tolerate. claim your ground and enjoy the experience. Rehearse beforehand: If you know someone is going to bug you about your job, kids, or other personal topic, practice that conversation in your head to develop an intentional response. Prepare to steer the conversation toward topics you'd rather talk about or giving a simple answer and letting awkward silences do the rest. You don't have to answer every question in the way someone wants you to answer it. Decide not to give time to those who dominate in a way you don’t like.
 
3.     When you're there — be fully present — enjoy. Ask more questions. Validate others. Ask about them and their HIP (Human Interaction Process--sense-thoughts-feelings-intentions-actions). Ask about what they like,  why, etc. Shine the light on them.
 
4.     Go into listen only mode. Silence can be golden.
 

5.     Point out the positive things in people. Tell them what you like and admire about them. Avoid negative labeling and name calling. Use positive labeling and name calling. Have fun. 
 
6.     Connect with your favorite family members more.
 
7.     Don’t give advice unless it’s asked for. Don’t answer questions that haven’t been asked. Family holiday time is not therapy time – that is for professionals to handle and in private. 
 

8.     Have a get-away plan if things get out of control. Set time limits
 

 Group

 9.     Address Issues before the Holiday.
 
10.   Do something different for group fun. Card or board games. Group walks. 
 
11.   Refrain from Using excessive Substances
 
12.   Keep Conversation Topics Neutral. Get everyone to agree that there are topics that simply will not be discussed
 

Don’ts

 
·         Talk About the Person to Other Family members. Do not allow yourself to be drawn into the drama that individuals use to dominate social events and diminish enjoyment of the holidays.
·         Let emotions get out of control. Learn how to ground them out, and then just do it. Discipline yourself. Go for a walk, remove yourself, breath, use positive self talk. 
·         Compare to other families.